Monday, September 10, 2012

Who is My God? An Agnostic's Perspective

I am agnostic. If I had to classify it further I’d probably be atheistic agnostic. What exactly does that mean? Well, It means I believe that there is no proof of god/gods of any religion. The fact that a god or gods exist, I believe, is unknowable. And since I believe that knowing if a god is impossible, I choose to sit on the “I don’t care” bench. I am not an atheist. I don’t simply refute that there is a god. I choose to believe that it is unknowable which religion is correct or incorrect.
I am not a Satanist. One has to believe in a Satan or Devil to worship it. One thing I hear all the time, coming from a tiny town, is that atheists/agnostics are evil people and devil worshipers. This isn’t true at all. We don’t worship anything, let alone the devil of the Christian religion or any other demons/devils/evil entities. We would have to believe in them to worship them. We are not bad people. We don’t sacrifice goats or drink blood.
I am not going to try to convince anyone that their ideas are wrong. I’ve never believed in trying to persuade anyone to or from a religion. I’m not going to argue with you about the existence of a god (unless you really want to). I do have a very strong base knowledge of Christianity, Judaism, Islam; and I have a basic knowledge of a ton of other beliefs. I wanted to be well rounded in what there is to believe in before I came to the conclusion that there being a god is unknowable.
I am a moral person. I don’t think murdering is justified just because I don’t believe a god is going to send me to hell if I do it. Same goes for a lot of other issues. I don’t do things because they are a detriment to me or society. I don’t feel like I need a punishment system set behind things I shouldn’t do. I don’t do them because they are bad, not because I will go to hell.
I love anyone who allows me to. Any religion, any race, or any ethnicity, if you don’t agree with me, and if I don’t agree with you, doesn’t mean we can’t get along. Most of my friends are Christians, and I am OK with that. I don’t feel superior to them, and they don’t feel that way to me. They don’t try to force anything onto me and I don’t onto them.
I am a human. I’m just like you. I’m not a bad person. I’m just trying to get by in this world making myself, and others happy along the way. That is what drives me to keep going. Happiness through love and laughter is what drives me. I don’t need a god to look forward to in the end to make me enjoy life. I live my life and love everyone around me. Happiness is my God.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Funny Ode to Snow

Hey, thanks Snow
for killing the flowers
and freezing the trees-
for curing the allergies
and murdering bees.
Thumbs up to Snow
and all that you do;
My love for you grows
now please keep out of my shoes.

This was a quick free-write for a class. I thought it was kind of funny, so I decided to post it here. I live in an area that has pretty nasty winters and one particularly snowy winter I decided to write this. I hope you enjoyed it!

A Few Cranky Words About Summer or Why Summer Sucks

I never understood why anyone would like anything about the season of summer. There are just not enough things to like about it to even want the season to occur, unless you happen to live in northern Russia and haven’t seen a color other than white in years. So while everyone is praying every night for an end to the wintery hell they are experiencing, I am hoping it will never end.
So What do I Hate About It?
There are a lot of reasons to hate summer, but I’ll start with one of the most prominent. Flowers. Yes. Flowers. You may be saying, “But who in the hell could hate anything about flowers? They just sit there and look beautiful. Leave the flowers out of your sick argument.” But, to those who say all of that -- I say nay. Flowers are Hell-spawn risen up to ruin the lives of those with allergies. All throughout summer many people have to deal with a few after effects of flowers. If you aren’t spending hundreds of dollars on allergy medicine that works just about as good as putting a paper bag over your face and wishing the pollen away from you, you are suffering from leakage from all orifices in your head. Your face gets red, your eyes constantly water and itch, your nose runs, you wish you were not living in Nebraska, or you wish you were dead (Nebraska will make you wish that last thing a lot). If we could have a summer without flowers, I think it would be a summer worth being happy about – or would it?
Nope, it still probably wouldn’t. But you ask, “Damnit man, you already took away the flowers. There can’t be that many bad things about summer. Hell, I didn’t even think the flowers were that bad!” Well you’d be wrong again. This is due to the sun. The sun tries to kill each and every one of us every summer. That’s not to say it doesn’t attempt to do this in the winter, but its attempts are more successful in the summer. The sun slowly lures us outside with its inviting temperatures after a long cold winter and then, all of a sudden, the sun tries to take us out with sunburns and skin cancer. What about sunscreen, you ask? Is the sunscreen really worth all the goofy looking white spots and the funny smell? Well, yeah, probably; but for me, it’s just too much work to care. Also the sun tries to trick us. In the Midwest, the spring starts out fairly nice 50’s and 60’s and then the heat hits all at once. It will be 100 degrees outside, and I can only get away with being naked outside for a few hours, so its back inside until the temperature lets me wear clothes and not have them weigh an extra three pounds due to sweat.
Finally the last thing to hate about summer is – the bugs. Sure bugs may do some nifty things like make honey and make a great red food dye (they’re in your Skittles!) but I think we could get along just fine without them. When the winter comes and kills all of the mosquitos and flies, does anyone care? Does anyone panic that without them something terrible will happen? No, they don’t and that’s why I believe summer is one of the worst seasons of them all. All of the parasitic and useless bugs decide to come out and be bastards and annoy us all. Do mosquitos really do anything of use? Do the flies really do anything nifty for us? And like the sun, to combat them we have to put smelly and goofy things on our skin. It’s just not appealing to me.

So What?

So you say to me “Alright, those are some legitimate reasons, but can you really hate summer that much? It’s still pretty awesome to check out girls in bikinis, right?” And I’d have to agree with you, bikinis are pretty awesome. But, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking at a girl in a big furry coat either. And so that’s why I have to say if I had to pick any season out of the year to frolic about in, it would be any season but summer. Summer never has, and never will, have a chance for winning a place in my heart.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Fish and Terrorism

Fish Are Not Terrorist....Seriously!

Fish. They swim. They live underwater. What really classifies them as fish? I have done the research to find that nobody has really done the research on this topic, I think. So in lieu of finding anything useful, I have made up my own guide to telling if something is a fish or not.
This all happened when a couple of my friends were talking about pets in our dorm rooms. I used to have a crab in my fish tank. I always just assumed that all of the fish in my fish tank were actually fish. My friend decided to inform me that crabs are not fish. I told him they were because they lived underwater. I now believe that I have made a giant breakthrough in the fish classification system. Any scholars that wish to use my ideas give me total credit please. This is about to get pretty god damned scientific so non-scholars, please look away.

Everything that lives primarily underwater, I now believe to be a fish. Dolphins are fish, whales are fish, jellyfish...well it has fish in the name. Crabs, coral, sponges, all of them, fish. I believe if we used the classification system of fish and non-fish I might have passed that biology class with an 'A' (but probably not). If we classified everything as one or the other we could more easily identify terrorists, which is a growing problem in the U.S., apparently. It has been a huge debate whether or not fish are terrorists.

I say, "Can they hold a gun?"

The answer is obviously no. (Except for that one instance several years ago...RIP my fallen friends who worked at Sea World.) But other than that one time there have been no reports of fish firing guns or being terroristic in general. Fish are pretty happy guys, they have no need to terrorize. So that means only non-fish are capable of being terrorists. According to a statistic (that I totally didn’t just make up) fish outnumber non-fish at least, like, six to one. Therefore we can say that almost all of the animals in the world are not terrorists. We just now have to watch out for any type of bears (Especially those supporting communism), humans with guns, and finally anybody sporting any tattoos (especially ones they can’t translate, those guys look pretty dangerous).

So, thank you fish. Thank you for making the discernment of terrorists and non-terrorists much easier. We owe you big time.

New Blog!

Hello everybody! I intend to use this page for poetry, prose, and anything creative! I normally post my writing to Hub Pages. However, Hub Pages is a website for writers and is a fantastic site for a certain type of audience (guides, information, nonfiction), but creative writing tends to get lost among all of the informational writing. Since creative writing tends to get pushed to the side there, I will be posting my creative writing and poetry here. I do this in hopes that it will get more views and be spread! I hope you guys stick with it and enjoy! If you want to see my Hub Pages account / Profile please visit my profile here!